The Rich Vegetarian

What’s the difference between the two? (I’d thought I’d title this post “Social,” and then “Sociable” cropped up in my mind.)

Recently, I found myself at a social gathering. It was a potluck event hosted by my yoga teacher at his studio, and all students were invited. I went with my husband (also a student) and we arrived late, thanks to traffic and a prior commitment that ran late. You know, there’s that strange awkwardness that alights upon you as you enter a roomful of strangers… in this case, not everyone was a stranger but there weren’t many/any friends either. I found myself sitting, waiting. Didn’t feel up to eating, so I was stuck in a bit of an awkward space.

(Later, I was reminded of my childhood when similar shyness prevailed. I was too shy to go talk to other kids and no one came to speak with me.)

It’s a funny situation, as I was recounting to my husband. This type of social awkwardness is not an adult experience, is it? I’d imagine that a well-functioning adult has already figured out how to navigate such environments. Well, I did have a brief period where I (seemingly) didn’t suffer from the shyness condition. This was the Art of Living phase where I was confidently striding into rooms and halls, secure in my role as an instructor/volunteer. Now, I find myself in the same rooms and halls, a bit unsure about my new role (or lack thereof), not so confident, not striding.

My husband assures me that the confident phase may very well return, and I may find myself again, striding into halls, etc. I think this is a good reminder of how NOT to take oneself (meaning, one’s personality) seriously at all. While it may not change like the weather (although I often feel that mine does), it can certainly alter with “kaala” and “desha,” or time and place. Perhaps this simply means that the personality is as flimsy as air, or ether, and as malleable/changeable, as fleeting, as vaporous.

Nothing remotely esoteric about this post, contrary to what one might assume from the title, haha.

A dear family friend remarked, “Why don’t you fly business class? You can afford it, right?” I was visiting India, and we were sharing stories about flights and airports and like. The truth is, yes, I can afford to fly to India in business class. The truth, also, is that I have never done it. We generally fly economy or economy comfort (a slightly more comfortable option). I didn’t have a good answer for my friend at the time but now, I do.

Old values die hard.

I cannot get past the sticker shock of business class. Also, I am unused to the idea of paying good money for comfort. Yes, we do pay good money for comfort in many aspects of our life but sometimes “good” feels a bit too steep for my comfort. Of course, all of this is totally subjective, and I also feel that there’s a bit of “not knowing the good stuff” here, for if I really knew how comfortable flying business class is AND how much it would alleviate all the Vata aggravation I experience while flying… it’d be a no-brainer, I presume. However, until that happens, I am stuck in coach!

Does “slippery” have to do with slippers? (Suddenly “slippers” feels like a weird word. Why did I just notice the “weird word” alliteration?) This is what off the cuff writing reads like… I suppose. I don’t do much of this kind of writing any more because all of it—the writing—is for an audience. (As if this one isn’t, bah!) But there’s a truckload of digression in this kind of writing, and that’s what has happened here as well. I logged in to write about… what? The slippery nature of awareness, I think. Look away, and you are lost. “Lost in thought” is a good metaphor, now that I think about it. But now I have clear forgotten what I was meaning to write about… primarily, I think I miss writing. Writing on social media brings attention (=oxygen), and while I don’t deny its allure, it’s also somewhat stymying. You end up keeping the “audience” in mind, and here I am somewhat freed of that. Who am I kidding? (Shouldn’t it be “whom?”)

I read a piece by Osho yesterday where he dismissed all systems that purported to explain the nature of reality. For a long while I was “steady” and established in my so-called system but then I was seduced by other systems that appeared more sophisticated. I suddenly felt that my own “homegrown” method was terribly naive. Anyhow, all roads lead to Rome, and it occurs to me that I have spent a good chunk of time trying seriously to “make sense of,” even as I have half-known that THAT is the first thing to be ditched. And I have likely written about this utterly fruitless endeavor so many times… and yet I have forgotten. Forgetfulness is the nature of the illusion, perhaps? I remember a line from Gurudev – the Self is attained by recognition.

All this to say that there is no method, DARN… except to be aware of one’s experience as it plays out. Ahh, that is what I came here to write about, now I remember! And this simple (not easy?) process of “being aware” requires energy, prAna. It’s the easiest thing to lapse into thought, imagination, nostalgia, dreams because being aware is not always fun, or enjoyable, or entertaining.