Tag: life (page 1 of 9)

unique beauty

Guruvayur Temple, Kerala

There is a woman I follow on Instagram, and let’s just say that she is a lot of things I am not, physically speaking. She is petite, curly-haired, plumpish, chubby faced… cute as a button. So, I get “cute” a lot myself but she and I look nothing like each other. I find her very beautiful, so much so that I can scroll endlessly through her profile, leafing through her posts and pictures and videos. Also, she writes beautifully. (Beautifully different from my own writing which I find beautiful, too.)

All this to say that beauty (or our experience of it?) is a singular and unique experience, beyond any kind of comparison and/or competition. My mother is beautiful as she uniquely is, and there isn’t a question of if/how she is more (or less) beautiful than anyone else. I am beautiful in a way that only I can be, and it has nought to do with how my looks fare on any scale, Indian or international or whatever.

And this is likely why I find my friends so beautiful, each one looking wholly different from the other. Reminded of something an Art of Living teacher once said, “Praise is unqualified.” I didn’t get it at that time, and maybe I am still unclear about the true import of that statement… and yet, I wonder if the sentiment may not be extended to “Beauty is unqualified.”

And if we were to extend the idea even further, it makes sense that our experience of ANYTHING is absolutely and utterly unique, beyond comparison to anything else. Radical, no?


Just a thought… perhaps, maybe, think about it. If we disbelieve in patterns, do they cease to exist?

So, this notion of “this way,” or this kind of habit, or this type of feeling, or “I am like this,” or “I am this personality,” and so on… Now, instead of tracing said “object” backward and forward in time and making it into a trend or pattern or personality trait, whatever… if, instead we saw it as a unique instance (instant?), then this supposed pattern would be just that, a solo point. What we call a “pattern” would simply disappear because… there isn’t one! For, each instance is unique in time, and there is nothing truly in common between the various instances, ergo, no pattern or programming.

So also, no “me,” I think? Because “me” is also a pattern.

(Trust me to come up with pretty language.)

And that’s why

Recently I found myself saying, “…and that’s why I Ieft that class.” Next instant I wondered, is that true? Is that truly why I left? Could I ever say with complete certainty that THAT is the reason?

No, not really. All I can say with certainty is that I stopped going to the class. As for the reason why (assuming there is one), I cannot really say what that is.

I will be the first to admit that I am not what you’d call a reasonable person. Not that I am unreasonable but I hardly ever use reason to decide on a course of action. Perhaps I employ reason to plan a course of action but even that’s largely suspect, truth be told. And I know that this kind of “unreasonable” behavior is sometimes aggravating to my loved ones. (Not my parents, I think… I suspect they are of similar orientation.)

I found this scrawled in an old notebook. “What is ‘too soon’ or ‘too late?’ Who is to know? Our perspective of time is so limited—we can never comment on whether an event happened before or after time. All we can be sure of is that happened when it had to.”

Now, the rumination above pertains to the timing of events but I can see that it applies to their cause, too. Truly, we can never know the why. Yes, we are highly skilled at constructing the why, and we have elevated that skill to a science. Yet I wonder if we may be better served by dumping all construction and reconstruction efforts, by being “unreasonable,” by being with what is, sans reason or explanation or justification… not to anyone else, not to our own self.

love is the reason

A friend was going through the motions of finding a house to buy, and I was privy to some of the ruminations. A den was important, also a flattish backyard that wouldn’t require much work, a space for entertaining, an outdoor patio, a particular aesthetic… the list went on. As expected, there were few homes that met all criteria, and then there were other factors such as price, area, commute, preconditions, repairs, etc. Suffices to say that the process was fraught with its particular drama/excitement.

I was reminded of the “naive” way we went about searching for a home so many years ago. We had a (fixed) budget, and we had an area preference. Everything else was up for grabs. If I recall correctly, our current home is the third one we saw. I walked in through the foyer, entered the living room, looked up at the high windows and ceilings, and I knew right away—this was it. Things proceeded smoothly, and it has been many years for us at this current dwelling. Needless to say, I love this home very much.

Perhaps it was the open floor plan that floored us. Or maybe it was the light flooding the space, or the pale wooden floors, or the pure white mantel with molded columns, or the dark maroon colored kitchen walls. Not that any of this mattered… I knew that I loved it, and husband was in agreement, so it was perfect.

As I said in an earlier post, I am not a “reasonable” person. In my experience, love has always descended first, and the reasons are made up later. I have heard this line in so many romantic films. “I love her. She is kind, funny, smart…” As if! As if love (attraction?) is based on said person’s kindness, or funny quotient, or smartness.

You hear it on real estate TV shows, too. “We love this home. It is close to bars, coffee shops, restaurants…” Really? You mean to say that you fell in love with the house because of its proximity to these establishments? Because stating that you fell in love in the simplest way possible would make you look/feel like a bit of an impractical idiot?

I know clearly that I fell in love first, made up the reasons later. That goes for the husband, the house, and possibly a million other things.

Love doesn’t need a reason—love IS the reason. 😄