For the longest time I have been fascinated by the idea (illusion?) of choice. There have been more than a few “big events” in my life that came through very effortlessly. Meaning, no thinking required, no decision making skills exercised. Truth be told, I am kinda uncomfortable with having to “make a choice”—I am happier trusting in the larger flow of events.
This phenomenon (is it “choiceless awareness?”) has played out in my life experience so many times, and yet it so happens that ever so often I suffer from forgetfulness, and get into a tortuous bind, trying to “choose.” I forget that in truth, there are endless options, and my limited mind can comprehend only a few of them. And that there is not a real reason to “choose,” because the road is veering on its own, anyway… and one needs to turn the steering wheel very little, one way or another, for a smooth ride. One needs only to align with the larger curve, and there is minimal driving effort required.
For me this is about trusting, again and again. It’s about placing faith in the moment, allowing myself to be led. Perhaps it’s also about going in “blind,” refusing to give in to that little need “to know,” to be on top of things, to be in charge? Honestly, I am only too happy not to be in charge!
(There is a part of me that envisions all of this very differently. Perhaps all the mental gymnastics play out on a plane that exists wholly separate from the field of real action, so to speak. So, while we may spend endless hours deliberating on Choice#1 v/s Choice#2, the truth is that those considerations have zero bearing on what manifests.)
If the wild bowler thinks he bowls,
Or if the batsman thinks he’s bowled,
They know not, poor misguided souls,
They too shall perish unconsoled.
I am the batsman and the bat,
I am the bowler and the ball,
The umpire, the pavilion cat,
The roller, pitch, and stumps, and all.
— Andrew Lang