I was watching a TV series today that reminded me of a freelance work project I had taken on years ago… The man-woman dynamic in this series didn’t end well, and neither did that particular project. And I wonder if it had to do with the way we (I, man, woman) embarked on the project/relationship.
Said woman was in love (or she thought was) with the man who was pining for someone else. The relationship began on a mild note, primarily fueled by the woman’s ardor, and even as she knew that the man was unsure and questioning, she was confident that she could make it work… with a little help from him. She felt that her love could make up for his doubt and tentativeness. She thought she could put in 150%, and that would make up for his 25-50%. And he thought that he could give it a try. But things didn’t go the way she’d hoped, and she saw clearly that it would always remain a half-hearted attempt at a relationship.
Years ago I signed up for a pro bono writing project. The client was a nonprofit organization that needed some help with website and social media content. I thought, this is easy for me—so, why not? And I started writing for them but something didn’t click. I received a lot of feedback, and I incorporated it… but the people in charge weren’t happy. Things kept dragging, and ultimately, I offered my apologies and bowed out of the situation.
I kept wondering, why didn’t it work? Why wasn’t I able to provide satisfactory content? It was easy-peasy! I wasn’t writing an essay or even a blogpost.
I think… perhaps, I didn’t enter this engagement the correct way. Yes, there was a real need, and I was asked to provide my expertise. I signed up thinking it could be an easy way for me to be of assistance but I forgot to factor myself into this equation. Of course, all the work I have done for the Art of Living in previous years was pro bono as well but I was fully aware that I was engaging entirely for myself and on my own terms. At no point did I think that I was doing anyone a favor. But here… I think I wrote myself out of the whole deal, then wondered why it all went south.
I suppose this is true for work as it is for love. You don’t embark on it to do anyone a favor, and you do not begin from a place of compromise—you do it entirely and wholly and fully for yourself.
