What’s the difference between the two? (I’d thought I’d title this post “Social,” and then “Sociable” cropped up in my mind.)
Recently, I found myself at a social gathering. It was a potluck event hosted by my yoga teacher at his studio, and all students were invited. I went with my husband (also a student) and we arrived late, thanks to traffic and a prior commitment that ran late. You know, there’s that strange awkwardness that alights upon you as you enter a roomful of strangers… in this case, not everyone was a stranger but there weren’t many/any friends either. I found myself sitting, waiting. Didn’t feel up to eating, so I was stuck in a bit of an awkward space.
(Later, I was reminded of my childhood when similar shyness prevailed. I was too shy to go talk to other kids and no one came to speak with me.)
It’s a funny situation, as I was recounting to my husband. This type of social awkwardness is not an adult experience, is it? I’d imagine that a well-functioning adult has already figured out how to navigate such environments. Well, I did have a brief period where I (seemingly) didn’t suffer from the shyness condition. This was the Art of Living phase where I was confidently striding into rooms and halls, secure in my role as an instructor/volunteer. Now, I find myself in the same rooms and halls, a bit unsure about my new role (or lack thereof), not so confident, not striding.
My husband assures me that the confident phase may very well return, and I may find myself again, striding into halls, etc. I think this is a good reminder of how NOT to take oneself (meaning, one’s personality) seriously at all. While it may not change like the weather (although I often feel that mine does), it can certainly alter with “kaala” and “desha,” or time and place. Perhaps this simply means that the personality is as flimsy as air, or ether, and as malleable/changeable, as fleeting, as vaporous.
