I wish I could write better. My mind screams for better expression, firmer articulation but all that ensues seems to be a mere trickle of dirty water. What ultimately emerges from my pen(keyboard, to be precise) is pretty much divorced from what I imagine or would like it to be. I think that my writing has to be a good reflection of what I feel. When there’re so few things that I feel strongly about, how can I expect my writing to be a good and strong expression? Like my thoughts, my writing also appears devoid of feeling, wanting in intensity … insipid. What does one do if one cares neither for an Italian-born Indian prime minister nor a new technical gizmo? What does one do if one has no firm ideology or belief? No spiritual philosophy nor any …. political leanings?
‘Did you know… it was all going to go so wrong for you
And did you see it was all going to be so right for me
Why did we tell you then
You were always the golden boy then
And that you’d never lose that light in your eyes
Hey you… did you ever realise what you’d become
And did you see that it wasn’t only me you were running from
Did you know all the time but it never bothered you anyway
Leading the blind while I stared out the steel in your eyes
The rain fell slow, down on all the roofs of uncertainty
I thought of you and the years and all the sadness fell away from me
And did you know…
I never thought that you’d lose that light in your eyes..’
How did I lose it?
anindita says:
For some weird reason, or rather, not so weird reason, i know exactly what you are talking about 🙂
Can I just say, this too shall pass when the “observer” phase of life passes and a more action oriented phase kicks in.
Oh by the way, I am Anindita, as my lj-name suggests.
I have read you off and on via sulekha and enjoyed your cairo series a lot!
Have a great day ahead and don’t over-think it 🙂
A
May 26, 2004 — 7:08 am
Lakshmi says:
Hi Anindita,
The ‘observer’ phase, as you so sweetly put it, has been going on a bit too long, to put it kindly… Thanks for the pep talk, though…:-) Thanks for the compliments too.. But as you might have observed, I have written very less after the Cairo series… 🙁
May 26, 2004 — 7:13 am
anindita says:
you know lakshmi,(is it Ok for me to call you lakshmi?), sometimes, all it needs is time.
I am a strong believer in that. And I know when you have a bloody active mind and are used to hajjar people and juntaa interactions and suddenly are thrown into a world where you are a part of the whole and not the whole at all, its hard! Trust me to know that 🙂
I still crib about not having any friends who are only MINE and not my husband’s and mine!!
I guess the trick is to keep yourself busy… learn a something new you had always wanted to, within your own constriants. I see you enjoy writing, perhaps forcing yourself to write a little everyday about anything may be of help!
I don’t know too much about you, but from what I read, you sound like a fighter– who knows what to do… I know sometimes the spirits may sag and all seems lost.. but hey.. remember Scarlett O’hara– Tomorrow is another day 🙂
Take care gal, and have a great day ahead!
Anindita
May 26, 2004 — 7:21 am
Lakshmi says:
Sure you can call me by my name…:-)
Well, I am not sure how far I agree with you… 🙂
But yes, I shall take your advice seriously.. and I really don’t think of myself as a fighter, babe… Not really!
yeah, my fav adage is ‘This too shalt pass..’ You have a good day too..:-)
May 26, 2004 — 7:25 am
anindita says:
Friends?
friends? May I add you?
and hey.. I am sorry about if I sounded like a Ms. know -it -all!
Bad thing for a Wednesday morning:-) Promise to be better later!
May 26, 2004 — 7:29 am
Lakshmi says:
Re: Friends?
Sure thing… Go ahead and me will do the same. Hey, don’t apologise.. I got your drift totally..:-)
May 26, 2004 — 7:31 am
shri says:
Hi!
Came across your LJ through Hariputtar’s LJ. I like the way you write. 🙂
As for your writer’s block, I have a suggestion. Hope you don’t mind.Am not sure where you live, but if you are living in the U.S then there is a book called ‘Room to Write’ by Bonnie. I can’t remember the last name of the author.
It has lots of writing exercises, which helped me to get started on my journal, also gave me an idea of what a journa is all about and write some stories (if you could call them that!) in the process.
Also, sometimes, stray thoughts can lead to a post or a story for your journal. Note down those thoughts. Most of the times (not always!), my journal posts are like that.
May 26, 2004 — 8:09 am
Lakshmi says:
Thanks, Shri… You know, I find people telling me that they like my style of writing. But I seldom like it. In fact, there are very few articles, letters or posts that I feel really expresses my sentiment.. truly, that is. If you browse through earlier posts of mine, you’ll find some links to Sulekha where I’ve posted some of my stuff. Those are the ones I find fairly decent… Most of the times, it’s passe….
But I’ll look for the book you mentioned. Thanks…:-)
May 26, 2004 — 9:28 am
hemya says:
I guess at the end of the day i tell myself the same thing ” This too shalt pass”…though I always add ” May the force be with you”…..helps a bit
hemya
May 26, 2004 — 8:50 am
Lakshmi says:
Reminds me of ‘The Alchemist’… Yes, I hope that The Force is with me, within me….Thanks!
May 26, 2004 — 9:29 am
hemya says:
May the force be with you….I get that from Star Wars…:)
May 26, 2004 — 10:03 am
Lakshmi says:
🙂 ThanX, Chechi… But at times, it gets to me… GRRRR! About my writing not doing justice to my thoughts and then I turn the gun onto the clarity and conviction of my thinking.. and BOOM! I am shot!
May 26, 2004 — 9:31 am
nithya says:
listen …. you cannot reach the i lost it stage so soon in life…
write whatever you want and however you want..
it should be your point of view or expression rather than just writing stuff that should as a necessity be good…
a better way is to first speak what you feel.. probably record it over a dictaphone and then later put it into words..
that way you can have the best of both…
the clarity of thought as well as the space in terms of a fresh mind to hunt for words..
ok right now i am sleepy so i have no clue what i am writing … and if it has no relevance to what you have written up there.. then .. never mind .. forget about it..
May 26, 2004 — 9:36 am
Lakshmi says:
Babe, I ‘touch and go’ the ‘I-lost-it’ phase too damn often.. 🙂 But looks like I’m over it for the day…Thanks!
May 26, 2004 — 9:39 am
rileen says:
Being dissatisfied with your words puts you in good company – Paul Simon’s been there :
But all my words come back to me,
in shades of mediocrity
– those lines come to me all the time 🙂
Of course you write well, but are you questioning your style, or your feelings? Seems more like the latter …..
May 26, 2004 — 11:01 am
Lakshmi says:
Both…
May 26, 2004 — 12:13 pm
rileen says:
Well, if your feeling aren’t ‘coming through’ in your writing, that’s not so worrisome – but if you think that there’s little you feel strongly about, that to me seems more of a cause for concern.
May 27, 2004 — 3:11 am
Lakshmi says:
Not really, Rileen… If I don’t feel intensely about Sonia G becoming the PM or the Iraq invasion.. does that become a cause for concern? I don’t think so…
May 27, 2004 — 4:32 am
rileen says:
You know best about you
Did i mention those two issues? I was talking about having strong feelings in general – but even that might be because having intense feelings seem normal to me (not blogging about them is another issue altogether 🙂 !).
So i felt it was a cause for concern, but if you don’t, then it isn’t.
May 27, 2004 — 4:52 am
Lakshmi says:
Re: You know best about you
Rileen, there are issues which touch and move me immensely… but if they exclude politics, world history or business… then I tend to feel outdated.. at times. But I’m not gonna dwell on that anyway.
May 27, 2004 — 7:40 am
rileen says:
Good, then you do have a ‘spiritual philosophy’, it’s just not formulated – err, you said no more dwelling, so this discussion is hereby aborted 🙂
May 27, 2004 — 8:41 am
hariputtar says:
Write on …
Ma’am. kindly do not resort to write-ups on gizmos, or making a political commentary. there is enough of that in the LJ nowadays. Your vignettes about children, were pleasantly nostalgic. I liked your movie reviews a lot as well. And also your culinary exploits; or the confusion about “machchhar” (mosquito) and “machher” (fish, of) jhol … the things that appear to you to be commonplace are totally novel to me. The selection of poetry pieces you treat us to, are also quite engaging. [ besides you dont have to take up on *heavy* topics to be impressive. I mean, look at wodehouse, he doggedly pursues the most commonplace of issues, and most worn out of themes, and still manages to make it all totally riveting. ]
thanks for giving a pleasant insight into a your life. i derive a lot of pleasure from your blogs. [ And aging bachelors like me, contemplating marriage in foreseeable future, may also watch your column for a different reason … to gain an insight into the psyche of h4s … hee! hee! (and now you will be even more uneasy … now that you know myriad strange reasons people are interested in your column.) ]
[ have u read jhumpa lahiri’s … Interpreter of Maladies and … a short story about Mr. Sen (involves a newly wed couple that comes to US, and the struggles of the wife to a seek a proper rhythm of life; learning driving, looking for good fish, taking up hobbies .. the whole deal) ? also, if you think culinary columns are trite … : http://www.postcolonialweb.org/india/literature/lahiri/choubey1.html ]
May 26, 2004 — 11:04 am
Lakshmi says:
Re: Write on …
:-)))
Sonal, DUDE!!! Chane ke jhaad pe chadha diya…thanks!!!
May 26, 2004 — 12:15 pm
savyasachi says:
What does one do if one cares neither for an Italian-born Indian prime minister nor a new technical gizmo?
– Always a dilemma. But who cares about these things? Much better to live one’s own life…..
May 26, 2004 — 12:41 pm
Lakshmi says:
Not so much about caring, actually.. I do care and am relieved that it’s Manmohan Singh and not Sonia Gandhi who’ll swear-in as the PM… Just that it doesn’t threaten my immediate existence or enter into my realm of blog-worthy topics…
May 26, 2004 — 1:20 pm
dannykk says:
Lakshmi,
A little tip if you will. If you aspire to write something memorable, lay yourself bare. We all have a tendency toward voyeurism. I have sometimes wondered as to why people liked certain books. On reflection perhaps it’s because it offers a glimpse into the writer’s soul, a mirror to our own.
May 26, 2004 — 8:05 pm