Wandering Away

As I see friends, colleagues, etc. pass through various life stages, I cannot help but wonder if I am falling behind in this race. Ahh, what race, you ask. Well, this so-called race of life, you know. Silly girl, there is no race. Every individual is on their own trajectory, isn’t it? Actually, I wonder if that is 100% true. I think many people are following trajectories that were laid out for them. By parents, influential persons, society, whatever.

Marriage, child#1, new home, large car, child#2, job promotion, newer home, larger car… The list goes on, long and relentless. Then comes graduation, marriage, grandchildren, and so on. These paths are well traversed and the markers are clearly laid out.

Then there are some others who wander on paths less traveled. Are they lost? Well, it may seem so at the beginning. Some of them had to break away from the clear path, as its lack of meaning, purpose and authenticity became evident. For me, it was neither planned nor deliberate. I simply couldn’t buy into the many rewards and milestones of the path, so I didn’t even break away. I just strayed away. Wandered away, so to speak.

Call me lost or directionless, whatever. My husband tells me that I have escaped social conditioning, no mean feat. Well, I escaped nothing, really. One of the advantages of having a thin ego membrane is the lack of investment in milestones and markers. There is relief, certainly, at having broken free of social expectations and ideas. But that has always been my lived experience, so really, this does not feel new or adventurous by any means.