The Rich Vegetarian

An Examined Life

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Author: Lakshmi (page 1 of 328)

Freedom/Isolation

A balloon flies free, untethered by a strong hand,
It isn’t too different for a mind that likes solitude
The days are long, the moments flow along nicely

It is quiet and spacey

No voice beckons, no company calls.

It feels nice, then quiet, then too silent,

and I often think: when does the notion of freedom bleed into isolation?
When does the feeling of warm comfort become a strain?

The quiet space starts collapsing within,
Then the only sound is the silent one, that feels loud and blaring and deafening.

I wonder: what about the future? Will it be quiet too?

Is this my personality, a bad mood, a time-of-the-month? A hormonal shift, a moon cycle play?

And then it begins again, another day, another evening by the window, wandering in half-thought, half-soliloquy, full-___.

Invisible

These days, it seems like I am tending to borderline invisibility.

My boundary (L-A-K-S-H-M-I) seems to be wearing thin. If I don’t hold myself together, I feel like pieces of me may float right out into the ether. This isn’t about incoherence or feeling spacey. It is a disconnect from the public facing identity that, in my case, is always on the point of breaking away. It is a veneer that is dangerously see-through. Sometimes, it is misleading/ambiguous (not intentionally).

There are the people with strong, healthy, defined egos. They are independent, seeking no validation whatsoever. Then there are the unhealthy ones that feed off others for survival, like vampires. Then there are the in-betweens, like me. It is a thin veil, and there is little motivation to keep it intact. There is little attachment between the inner layer and the outer apparel, so it feels effortless to ditch the outerwear and float off.

Community – Yes, No

“Ahh, it’s that time of the year when it’s all about community.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, just look at Facebook. All those pictures from Garba, Navaratri, Durga Puja, etc… Everyone’s part of some community. A religious one, or a spiritual one, a cultural group, a social organization.”

“Ok.”

“But I am not part of a community.”

“Sure, you are.”

“No, I am not. I am connected to individuals but I am not part of a community.”

“That’s not true. I am sure that many consider you part of the community.”

“Well, it does not matter because I don’t see myself as part of it. The reason being, I don’t identify with the values of the community any more. So I can’t see myself as being part of it.”

“Hmmm, do you want to be part of it?”

Silence.